I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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