I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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