He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
