I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
