google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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