Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
