how can u be prego again
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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