I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
