it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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