if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
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Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick