Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes