so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
