i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
