you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
