end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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