We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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