well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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