i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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