We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We have started to decorate penises.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
