cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
