I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
