It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
