I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize