He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
