Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
