Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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