haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
