doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
