I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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