I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
