yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
