dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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