Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
