I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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