SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
