I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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