hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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