This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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