Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
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Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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