Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
