The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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