i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I party with great urgency now.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
