so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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