I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
