Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
