he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
