she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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