I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
