I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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