I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
