Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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