god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
