Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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