Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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