walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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