oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
