Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
