If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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