I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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