I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
