My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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