It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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