I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
