I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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