I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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