sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
