the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize