i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
