She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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