So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
