biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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