peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
