I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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