This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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