Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
