Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
