I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
