Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
