fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
