You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
