I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
True college students do jello shots in the library
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