Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
