So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
