dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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