Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
