I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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