i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
